how to make your asian parents happy
Here's a list of things you need to accomplish to make your asian parent happy.
Get straight A's…..forever
Perfect score on the SATs..in fact, get extra credit on it
Be better than your mom's friend's kids….in everything
Get into an Ivy League school
When you feel like complaining always remember the story of how your parents walked in 10 feet of snow uphill BOTH WAYS, starving, with their little sister on their back just so that their family can eat a bowl of rice
Every weekend (especially when your friends throw a birthday party that you want to go to), help out at 'the store' Could be any store…your aunt's store, your parent's store, your dry cleaning store…but it's 'the store' and it MUST involve senseless manual labor
Never shake your leg otherwise it will bring bad luck
Be a doctor, lawyer, or really rich business man
Marry a doctor, lawyer, or really rich business man and they have to look ridiculously good looking like a famous asian actress/actor…irregardless that 90% of them had plastic surgery
Always lock the car door when strange people start approaching
Buy magnetic bracelets as gifts
Eat ginseng and tell them it's delicious and you thank them for such wonderful food
Be in the korean newspaper for something good
Be in the chinese newspaper for something good
Heck be in the mexican newspaper..doesn't matter, just be famous and good. as long as you're better than all your mom's other friend's kids.
Never talk back..in fact, never talk. just bow and nod.
Once you graduate from med school, go to med school again
Never watch TV. EVER.
Brainwash yourself thinking that you're only happy if they're happy
a benz or bmw
if you're gifting a purse to your mom, regardless of where you are financially, always make sure the purse says one of these words: Gucci, LV, Prada, Chanel
You're always wrong, they are always right
Take a million AP courses…if there aren't a million APs, make some
Make sure your significant other is healthy and in good condition. Damage goods should be thrown out. If you're not sure, look up Horse Breeding books, same conditions apply
Be perfect…i n everything.
Play a musical instrument and be in competitions…and you're only allowed to be in first place.
Tell everyone you know that your mother's cooking is the best
Fix their computer
Always finish your food
If you said you would do something, always do it. it doesn't matter if they never follow through with their promises, it's ok for them to break them. but you can't. this is fair.
Wear the BYC underwear your mom got you when she took a trip to her motherland and do your best to ignore the defunct english written on it "tomorrow is specialness of togehter"
When your dad wears a wifebeater and khaki shorts feel proud that he's your dad and he has such great style
After you're better than your mom's friends kids, be better than everyone else